Why do sensible, professional adults act like toddlers?
I am gobsmacked by defensive, angry people/adults in workplaces who are firmly set on ‘pay-back’ and revenge who could instead attempt to listen with compassion and empathy.
Image of angry toddler by Александра Туркина from Pixabay
Our granddaughter (E) is almost 2 and is a perfect delight - except for when she doesn’t get her own way. Her mum has been working with her on identifying feelings and on Monday I printed some ‘feelings pages’ for her to initiate some conversations. E instantly gave the piece of paper a cuddle to make the sad and grumpy faces feel better.
Increasingly lately I have been noticing individuals (seemingly sensible, professional adults) struggling to recognise, ‘admit,’ or process their emotions and instead resorting to blame, avoidance, and yes in some cases tantrums. I imagine a world where regardless of age we could all be safely vulnerable to express how we feel and be curious enough to acknowledge and explore our responses to stressors and ‘bad days.’
Brene Brown said it best; “Daring greatly means the courage to be vulnerable. It means to show up and be seen, to ask for what you need, to talk about how you’re feeling, to have the hard conversations.”
Young E doesn’t yet have to capacity to understand how she feels or reign in her sometimes inappropriate and frustrating responses, but she IS getting there. I am gobsmacked by defensive, angry people/adults in workplaces who are firmly set on ‘pay-back’ and revenge who could instead attempt to listen with compassion and empathy. A conversation (yes, this means 2-sided!) between parties will not always result in understanding another’s perspective but we don’t need to understand or agree with someone to respect them - we just need to listen and accept that sometimes we have different perspectives - and that that is ok.
I am not saying that vulnerability and empathy is easy. I am also not saying that responding to disrespect with respect and compassion is easy. I AM saying that work is a necessity for many of us and we all have the right to complete our workdays (and/or nights) within a culture of psychological safety. We also have the responsibility to take care of others and to ensure we all complete our work and go home safely with no anxiety or fear of returning for our next shift.
Perhaps we all need a ‘feelings page’ that we can point to, to identify where we’re at, but for this to be useful we need to be open to seeing and accepting someone else’s feeling page and finding a way forward that set’s us both up to succeed.
Respect at Work facilitates discussions about respectful workplace behaviour and communication, please get in touch if we can be of assistance for your workplace.