The privilege of respect (re-shared from April 2018)
We assume that respect and empathy come easily to all of us and all we need is gentle reminders - but how true is that?
I was teaching a group of employment seekers once, one participant was there but without enthusiasm, he strutted in 15 minutes late, earphones in, sunglasses on and a cap that proudly shouted an offensive word... but he was there, he had turned up.
His actions displayed little respect for his classmates, little respect for me and little respect for the course... but he was there.
We had a chat about respect and we chatted about what it looked like and why it mattered, the other participants listened keenly and we all said supportive things to each other. The young man removed the earphones, sunglasses and hat and for a little while everyone seemed to be on the same page. Then after 20 minutes of peaceful learning there was another tirade of abusive comments and disruption - followed by more conversation about respect and empathetic comments of support from the group - this seemed to be the pattern we settled in to for the rest of the session.
This group left me thinking. The empathy displayed by the rest of the participants impressed me - observing the interactions it felt like the empathy in the room was contagious.
We assume that respect and empathy come easily to all of us and all we need is gentle reminders - but how true is that?
If we've never experienced respect, if we don't feel that we have ever received respect, if we didn't see respect in our upbringing, if we are surrounded by a culture of disrespect - how difficult is it to show respect for others? Sadly, this young man, who choose this particular course because he wanted employment in that field and had passionate reasons for wanting this type of work, may not succeed if he is unable to grasp the concept of respect for others.
I believe we can learn respect and empathy as a skill like any other, this may be more difficult without life experiences to draw on, but it is entirely possible.
For the young man I mentioned I saw sparks of understanding and appreciation, I saw his effort when he returned from break on time and in the positive moments I saw him watching and listening to the group.
Let's try to show a little compassion when we are not shown the respect we feel we deserve - has the other person had the privilege of experiencing respect in their lives?
Respect at Work will facilitate Understanding Respect at Work sessions for students and job seekers, please get in touch if you would like more information.