Microaggressions and gaslighting

Microaggression is a term used for commonplace daily verbal, behavioural or environmental slights, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative attitudes toward stigmatized or culturally marginalized groups.

- en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microaggression

Microaggressions are also defined as ‘brief, everyday exchanges that send denigrating messages to certain individuals because of their group membership’,

- Psychologist Derald Wing Sue

Gaslighting is the term used when someone intentionally twists your perception of reality for their own gain, classic gaslighting comments include: ‘you’re overreacting’, ‘why are you so defensive?’, ‘I was just joking’, ‘your memory/impression of that is wrong’.

I recently read an article that mentioned microaggressions, describing them as ‘death by a thousand cuts’. Gaslighting also fits the description of potentially small cuts with a massive impact. Whether called microaggressions or gaslighting (and respectfully not dismissing or creating more emphasis on either term), these are potentially harmful tactics, words and/or behaviours used to undermine and manipulate targets.

Those not subjected to these behaviours may dismiss the impact, thinking it is just a small incident that can/should easily forgotten or ‘got over’. Those instigating the behaviours pretend they didn’t mean or realise the impact, and those subjected to the behaviours are left doubting themselves or feeling that they should apologise for how they felt. Then, if the impact becomes more severe, the target thinks ‘I didn’t complain before, how can I complain now’, or, ‘no-one will ever believe me’.

So, while microaggressions are often more based in prejudice (also sometimes referred to as casual racism/sexism/ageism - a frustrating term that to me sounds almost forgiving), whichever term is used the potential harm is insidious.

Interpersonal hostility is sometimes excused as a personality quirk, terms like ‘that’s just the way they are’, are used to describe the perpetrator. The office joker with their inappropriate humour directed at others is seen as harmless. Snippy, cutting remarks are excused as ‘coping with the pressures of a busy office’.

We need to hold ourselves and those around us accountable.

Microaggressions and gaslighting behaviours may not be intentional or obvious, don’t assume that the perpetrator is aware of their impact of their behaviour – pointing it out is doing them a favour.  But don’t pretend you didn’t hear or see the behaviour because that is the easier path. If we do not call out damaging or hurtful behaviour, our inactive bystander action is condoning the behaviour. If we let bad behaviours ‘fly under the radar’, we become part of the problem.

Contact us, Respect at Work can help your teams to identify and speak up against bad behaviours.